the Reading note, April 8, 2010

the Reading note, April 8, 2010

 

How we get in the box

“Self-Betrayal”

1. An act contrary to what I feel I should do for another is called an act of “self-betrayal”
2. When I betray myself, I begin to see the world in a way that justifies my self-betrayal.
3. When I see the world in a self-justifying way, my view of reality becomes distorted.
4. So—when I betray myself, I enter the box.
5. Over time, certain boxes become characteristic of me, and I carry them with me.
6. By being in the box, I provoke others to be in the box.
7. In the box, we invited mutual mistreatment and obtain mutual justification. We collude in giving each other reason to stay in the box.

 

Box Problems

 

Lack of commitment

Lack of engagement

Troublemaking

Conflict

Lack of motivation

Stress

Poor teamwork

Backbiting/ bad attitudes

Misalignment

Lack of trust

Lack of accountability

Communication problems

 

How we get out of the box?

What DOESN’T work in the box

1. Trying to change others;
2. Doing my best to “cope” with others;
3. Leaving
4. Communicating
5. Implementing new skills or techniques
6. changing my behavior

 

Knowing the material

• Self-betrayal leads to self-deception and “the box”;
• When you’re in the box, you can’t focus on results;
• Your influence and success will depend on being out of the box
• You get out of the box as you cease resisting other people

 

 

Living the material

• Don’t try to be perfect. Do try to be better.
• Don’t use the vocabulary—“the box”, and so on—with people who don’t already know it. Do use the principles in your own life.
• Don’t look for others’ boxes. Do look for your own.
• Don’t accuse others of being in the box. Do try to stay out of the box yourself.
• Don’t give up on yourself when you discover you’ve been in the box. Do keep trying
• Don’t deny that you’ve been in the box when you have been. Do apologize; then just keep marching forward, trying to be more helpful to others in the future.
• Don’t focus on what others are doing wrong. Do focus on what you can do right to help.
• Don’t worry whether others are helping you. Do worry whether you are helping others.

 

 

book information:

The Arbinger Institute, Leadership and Self-Deception, (Getting out of the box). San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc., 2010

Spiritual Rx for Today:

 

Spiritual Rx for Today:

 

If I regarded my life from the point of view of the pessimist, I should be undone. I should seek in vain for the light that does not visit my eyes and the music that does not ring in my ears. I should beg night and day and never be satisfied. I should sit apart in awful solitude, a prey to fear and despair. But since I consider it a duty to myself and to others to be happy, I escape a misery worse than any physical deprivation.
Helen Keller   Deaf and blind from infancy; played a leading role in most of the significant political, social, and cultural movements of the 20th century.

 

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.                                                                                                                                  

 

             Sir Winston Churchill.   The Great Commoner, Nobel Prize in Literature, British Prime Minister, one of the greatest statesmen in world history.

 

He raises up the poor from the dust; he lifts the needy from the ash heap to make them sit with princes and inherit a seat of honor; for the pillars of the earth are the LORD’s, and on them he has set the world. 1 Samuel 2:8 (from Hannah’s Prayer)

 

To Practice This Thought: Trust, believe and endure. You are the likeness and image of a good and gracious God. Rise up and succeed.